Ahh, those eco-warriors… they always make me smile a little… So earnest. So full of purpose. Always preaching death, doom & destruction… Me, I don’t give a crap about the environment. Not one bit. I throw all my empty glass, cardboard, and aluminum beer cans (of which there are a LOT) in the same garbage bin. I crank the heating up to eleven, with the windows open. I don’t care! You know why? Because ‘the environment’ that those idiots are so worried about has been around for four billion years. And it will be around for another four billion years, long after we as a species collectively kick the bucket—probably sometime between next Tuesday and the next century, give or take a millennium. So, from the environment’s point of view, we humans are little more than a blip. A tiny cosmic fart that, once ripped, was never heard from again.
But, of course, there will be an intermediate phase. Before all that, before we all choke on our own filth and become too fat to walk, someone will invent hoverchairs! In which we can all float around aboard giant spaceships, while back on Earth, little track-driven trash compacter robots are left to clean up our mess. Which brings us neatly to this movie. Wall-E!
He is, as we learn, the last functioning robot on Earth. Once there were whole armies of the little buggers, but now Wall-E is the last one left. He’s developed a bit of personality, as one tends to do, and stays alive by scavenging parts from his dead mates. He made something of a home for himself from a large truck, in which he collects all sorts of things. His only companion is his pet cockroach, Hal. He happily goes about his business of compacting, compacting, and then more compacting—until one day his routine is interrupted by the arrival of Eve, an advanced, sleek, floating robot sent to Earth by the company that built the spaceships to check whether the planet is recovering. Do they fall in love? Do they eventually save not only the planet but all of mankind as well, while subtly delivering a strong message of love, perseverance, and rampant eco-whining? Well, if you’re one of those very few people who haven’t seen this movie, I’d suggest you find out for yourself. But the answer is yes.
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I love Wall-E. I don’t care whether he represents a possible future or not; he’s just so darn cute! And no, there’s nothing wrong with a grown man finding an animated robot cute. And if you think there is, then I warmly invite you to come discuss it, as free spirits, here, in the soundproof basement of my house. In the meantime, please enjoy this great movie, whether seeing it for the first time or anew, while I go take a ride in my ’68 Dodge Charger R/T 440 V8 Magnum big block, heater blasting, windows open, and Soundgarden’s ‘Black Hole Sun’ screaming from the speakers. Bye, Greta!
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