“We left her womb, she entered her tomb” “Masturbation is the thief of time”
I hate stop-motion movies. I hate ’em! You know why? Because they drive me insane. I can’t watch them without having thoughts like these run through my head: “Jesus Christ! So in order to make these figures move—to make the whole movie… move—they have to ever-so-slightly adjust every single aspect of it, every tiny movement of every arm, eyebrow, and waving blade of grass… then take a picture of it… then do it all over again… then take another picture… and so on, ad infinitum, ad fucking nauseam, until the entire movie is done!? No, man…! Come on! That’s not filmmaking! That’s torture! That’s hell…” And, well, that tends to be a bit distracting. I have, therefore, never finished a single Shaun the Sheep movie. Ever.
But now, I’m glad to inform you, I found a movie that didn’t inspire any of those thoughts, at all! Or only for a very short time, before I was swept completely off my feet. But not in the way you might think…
What’s it about, you ask? Well, I’m not quite sure, actually… From what I could gather, the main story is about Grace Pudel, one half of a twin, recounting the events from her early life. Told mainly in flashbacks, we learn of her trials and tribulations. All very nice. Now, for those of you that seem to think that all animated movies are for children, let me… let me just touch upon a few of the things I noticed, if I may, in this cute little flick. It starts out with some old, wrinkled prune of a woman dying with a coarse, menthol cigarette death rattle. Then we go on to bullying, fighting, the sideways snapping of a middle finger, shoving a bloody knocked-out tooth back in its hole with a nice, moist, squishy sound, public masturbation, alcoholic hobos, harelips, blood transfusions, and mothers dying in childbirth. We are now ten minutes in. Nice!
Other noticeable things: snails fucking in a jar and cumming, hard, against the glass; an insane juvenile pyromaniac; automutilation; alcohol abuse and a father getting hit by a car, becoming paralyzed, depressed, and addicted. And it only goes downhill from here. Childhood poverty; a crippled drunk daddy dying of sleep apnea in front of his children; being bounced around between foster homes; twins getting separated forever at a young age; swingers; religious fundamentalism; child abuse; hoarding; nudism; homophobia; overeating; fetishes; and, finally, suicide.
Don’t believe me? Think I’m joking? See it for yourself, then! God, I love stop-motion movies… I love ’em!
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