2025 was quite the year for horror. If Billy Joel or Fallout Boy wanted to add more verses to “We Didn’t Start the Fire” covering all of the horrid shit that happened in the world in 2025, the song would be longer than Gone With the Wind.

Mary Bronstein’s If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is that rare bird of a motion picture that drives discussion and debate, entertains and enlightens, all while sending your blood pressure to levels that may or may not require a quick trip to the ER.

Performance and image—that’s what it’s all about, man. Say, which way we going? East? That’s cool. I’ve never been east. Well, here we are on the road. Yup, that’s where we are, all right.

Let’s take a ride now, you and me. We’ll take the money we made from this one-time coke deal, we’ll roll it all up into a garden hose, and we’ll stuff it down the gas tank of our chopper.