Category: Rants
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How To Deal With Conservative/Paranoid Facebook Friends
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Read more: How To Deal With Conservative/Paranoid Facebook FriendsFacebook is pretty much the Gettysburg of the internet culture war. It’s the epicenter of binary bloodshed. Houses are divided, attacks are vicious, and no matter what happens, you will see body parts you wish you hadn’t. We can’t help it. Even the wussiest amongst us are embolden by the internet. I think Sir Friendzone…
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Another Poop Story: The Desert Hamburger
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Read more: Another Poop Story: The Desert HamburgerOne does not simply enjoy gut bombs.
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Confessions Of A Condiment King -or- Why Goat Revoked Ezra’s Key To The Break Room At Ruthless Towers
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Read more: Confessions Of A Condiment King -or- Why Goat Revoked Ezra’s Key To The Break Room At Ruthless TowersGreetings, citizens of Gotham! It is I, Buddy Standler, the Condiment King! You mayo may not have heard my fearsome moniker before…. Oh, come now, you mustard of me at least once or twice. Well, please endeavor to ketchup and follow along, for mine is a tale to relish! I may not be one of…
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What Happens at a Timeshare Presentation?: Look Into the Mouth of Hell
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Read more: What Happens at a Timeshare Presentation?: Look Into the Mouth of HellWe were engulfed in a lake of slime and filth so vile that it would tarnish every amenity promised to us.
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Why Bad Tippers Deserve Horrible Deaths
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Read more: Why Bad Tippers Deserve Horrible DeathsIf you do not tip, or if you tip substantially less than social norms dictate, you deserve to be drowned in a cauldron of boiling vomit. You are the worst. A dictator who cleansed the earth of bad tippers would be remembered as a hero for a hundred generations. The argument for tipping is pretty…
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Madison Rising: Music Review
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Read more: Madison Rising: Music ReviewIt’s Metal…For your Mom. Back in the day, the only day that ever really mattered, the 1980s, heavy metal music was about the only way, absent an errant missile strike by the Soviet Union, for young people to watch their oppressors suffer, be they parent, teacher, Congressman, or cop. While their pursed lips, crooked fingers,…
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2001: A Space Odyssey Review and Redux
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Read more: 2001: A Space Odyssey Review and ReduxI bought a motorcycle helmet at a garage sale, and I don’t own a motorcycle. One man’s safety device is another man’s pretend space helmet.
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Casey Nocket: Wanted Dead or Alive (Preferably the former)
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Read more: Casey Nocket: Wanted Dead or Alive (Preferably the former)Miranda July, you’re off the hook.
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The Misunderstood: Iceman
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Read more: The Misunderstood: IcemanWe are all gay for Iceman over here.
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Martin Folse : Destroyer of the Community.
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Read more: Martin Folse : Destroyer of the Community.Every village has an idiot, but usually that idiot doesn’t own a television station. My village is very special. The local channel that serves my community is owned by one of the most buffoonish men to reside south of I-10. Citizens of my community are regularly given front row seats to witch hunts orchestrated by…